r/twosentencestories

After the kids moved out, I adopted a sweet old dog because the kitchen felt awfully quiet in the mornings.

As I fell asleep, I smiled, remembering his romantic promise: “If it rains tomorrow, we’ll be together for a lifetime, and if it’s sunny, we’ll be together forever.”

When the judge asked Jimmy if he wanted these two people to become his parents, he looked at them and nodded so hard everyone in the courtroom laughed.

My new girlfriend pointed at a photo of a young woman holding a baby and screamed, “You have a child?!”

We met for coffee after years of saying we really needed to catch up, and within minutes, we were laughing so hard the people at the next table kept looking over.

Every morning, the man across the street steps outside in his robe to grab his newspaper, raises his coffee mug to me and waits for me to raise mine.

Mission Control couldn't understand how the heat shield malfunction hadn't cooked us alive.

When my husband gestured to the waitress and called her "Claire," my heart sank—until she pointed to his empty plate and asked, "Clear, sir?"

Jolene, go work your 9 to 5 instead of wasting your time trying to take my man.

When we confronted the witch and demanded to know why she transformed all of the townsfolk into animals, she shrugged her shoulders and said;